Nothing Less

"Don't worry. You're the type of person who won't remain single for long because you're so sweet." That was a year ago. I was sitting at my friend's kitchen table, head in my hands, while our kids systematically destroyed her living room.

Fast-forward to the present.

I'm listening to my coworkers talk about their recent dates and it occurs to me that I haven't been on an actual date in 8-9 years. I don't know how anymore. Dating as a single mom in her late 20s with three kids is fraught with so many more complications than a college student. Aside from the trust and abandonment issues brought on by divorce, so many factors pop into my head whenever I'm merely observing a guy. I psychoanalyze my way out of every one of them in about 5 seconds. Too young and irresponsible. Too full of himself. Doesn't appear to have a firm grasp on responsible finances. This one obviously has only one thing on his mind. That one probably wouldn't make a very good dad. This one has no long-term goals. Doesn't share my religious convictions. This one... NOPE.

My mom loves to tell the story of how she made a list of qualities she wanted in a husband and how my dad met 9 out of 10. I always thought the idea was ridiculous, but a decade and one failed marriage later, I am beginning to see some wisdom in that. I know what I want (and definitely what I don't want) now. I know myself better now, and I know what kinds of personalities clash or compliment mine. I know what "red flags" to look for now.

So I started scribbling down what I would want in a potential mate...

1. He makes God the #1 priority in his life.
2. He is humble and not afraid to admit his faults. He doesn't brag about his accomplishments, but rather lets his character speak for him.
3. He is quick to admit those faults and change.
4. He is obedient to God's leading. Every important decision he makes is well-thought out and covered in prayer. He seeks guidance outside of himself.
5. He is a good communicator and expresses himself well, but he is also a good listener.
6. He is patient. 
7. He is kind with his words and actions.
8. He is generous (with his time and money).
9. He is respectful.
10. He works hard and has good integrity.
11. He is honest and never shrinks from telling the truth.
12. He is God-confident, rather than self-confident. He knows who he is in Christ.
13. He is forgiving and does not hold grudges.
14. He is financially responsible. He doesn't have to make lots of money, but he does need to have a firm grasp on financial stability and can make wise decisions. I don't get along well with men who spend stupidly or selfishly.
15. He is adventurous. He loves to try new things and explore.
16. He has a wacky sense of humor like mine. (It's important to be able to laugh together in a healthy relationship.)
17. He loves kids and is good with mine. Not many men have the strength to take on three kids that aren't biologically theirs (not many men have the strength to take on their own). I am 100% dedicated to my kids and I need a partner who is willing to be a full-time parent with me and shoulder the responsibilities. He is someone my kids can look up to as a godly example of what a man and a husband should be like.
18. He is not judgmental and doesn't take part in gossip. His speech is kind and constructive.
19. He doesn't take himself too seriously. He can cut loose and be goofy.
20. He is supportive of my goals and takes my opinions seriously. I've heard it said that women prefer romantic love and men prefer respect. I'm not built that way. Sure, romance is great, but I value respect higher. I want to feel respected and loved.
21. He doesn't feel threatened by my independence. He knows that I'm with him because I want him, not because I need him. He's okay if I want a weekend away to recharge or if I need a girls' night out. Sometimes I need space, and he's fine with that.
22. He understands the importance of emotional and physiological health and isn't afraid to seek counsel/therapy.
23. He is sensitive. I tend to err on the side of "emotionally stunted," so it would be nice to be with a guy who is in touch with his feelings and isn't afraid to cry. Sometimes I just shut down because I don't know how to handle some emotions.

Added Bonuses (Not Mandatory)...

1. He can cook.
2. He can sing/play an instrument (because I dearly love to make music).
3. He can dance (seriously, what woman doesn't find that attractive?)
4. He has similar decorating tastes (or has no problem giving me free reign of the house)
5. He is really tall. I know it sounds a little ridiculous, but I don't care about any other physical traits other than I like really big guys that can swallow me in a giant bear-hug or make a great body pillow.
6. He gives good massages (you have no idea the importance of this one unless you suffer from chronic tension headaches).

Looking at this now, as a whole... that's a lot. It seems a little impossible for one man to possess all of those qualities (and actually be single/available and in the 30-40 range). I'm pretty sure that most people would tell me that I'm being ridiculously picky, but you know what? I don't want anything less than that. I want someone who is as intensely in love with life as I am. I want someone who drives me to be a better version of myself and I want to do the same for him. If I can't have that, then I am perfectly happy being single.