As a single working mom trying to raise three kids, I sometimes get lost in an overwhelming amount of guilt and regret. I feel as though I'm always falling short somehow and can't do everything, be everything, or be there enough for my kids. It's just plain hard (and I also might be too hard on myself).
The other thing I struggle with is that I like working. I like having career goals and working hard to achieve things in life. I also love being a mom. There are days when I'd rather stay home and make messy art projects with my kids than go to work. It feels like a constant struggle.
This past weekend I had to work a lot before sending the kids off to their dad's. I maybe got to see them for a grand total of an hour on Friday. It kills me inside every single time. Time with them is so precious now.
I read this great article the other night about one question you should ask your kid(s): "What can I do that makes you feel more loved?" I posed this question to my five-year-old while tucking him in bed. His eyes lit up and he took a deep breath before quickly diving into a list of his favorite activities with me: cuddling on the couch and watching his favorite show, baking cookies, spending time together, etc. He seemed absolutely thrilled that I really wanted to know.
"We can definitely have cuddle time and bake cookies tomorrow," I promised. "I have the day off. And maybe this Friday," I whispered, "How about we go to that new pizza place I found? Just you and me. Maybe we'll even get ice cream afterwards." My son's eyes grew wide with excitement.
"I can get a giant piece of cheese pizza?"
"Yep."
"And an ice cream cone?"
"Of course!"
I may not be able to spend every second of every day with my kids anymore, but I hope that when I am with them, I can really spend good quality time with them. I want to nurture their little hearts and learn their love languages. They are the most important people in my life and I want them to always know that.
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