Skip to main content

The Purpose of Pain

"What is my vision of God’s purpose for me? Whatever it may be, His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me. God is not working toward a particular finish— His purpose is the process itself. What He desires for me is that I see “Him walking on the sea” with no shore, no success, nor goal in sight, but simply having the absolute certainty that everything is all right because I see “Him walking on the sea” (Mark 6:49). It is the process, not the outcome, that is glorifying to God."  - Oswald Chambers, "My Utmost For His Highest"
By nature, I am a very goal-oriented individual. I like plans, lists, and a purpose. I like to have an end in sight, a goal to reach. I'd like to think that everything I've been through this past year has a specific purpose in the future. I lost my dad, my marriage, my home… my entire way of life was shattered. I needed to know that there was something better in the future that would make this all worth it. Yet as I read this passage, I am struck with the realization that the purpose is happening now. The person I have become… the person I have yet to be… that is the purpose. The enormous of trust I have developed... the miraculous strength I have been given… that is the goal. 
God took every single thing in my life that I prized and made me lay them on the "altar," as Abraham was required to sacrifice his only son. Indeed, I have now reached the point where I am required to put my own children in God's hands. For a mother, this is heart-wrenching and nearly unthinkable… but it is my current test. 
"Do you trust Me?" seems to be the question I am presented with each and every time. Each test seems more painful than the last, and I sometimes beg for reprieve. I feel as though I am slowly being stripped of every "idol" I have created in my life, leaving me raw and vulnerable. What I have discovered… perhaps it is the Lord's intent to leave me this way. Not with sadistic intent, mind you, but perhaps I am at my best this way. I see things I didn't before. I am more aware of other's pain because I have been there. Somehow, through all of this, I have been given an even greater capacity to love the people around me.  How could I wish to change that? Every single grief I have endured has brought me to this point, and for the first time in my life, I feel that I am right where God wants me. I know my purpose, and it is simple. I am to be a conduit of God's love in other people's lives. I am simply to be used for His glory.
This is the process. This is the outcome. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

He Is Enough

Though barren wastelands I travel through, Though darkening hour should cover me, Though my strength is e'er weakening still, I know my God will hold me. No earthly possessions do I own, No place to settle, still. Though survival seems an e'er present theme, I know my God shall sustain me. I have been brought low, But my battered heart yet beats. My life seems shattered into pieces, But I know my God will heal me. He is enough to guide my paths. He is enough to light my way. He is enough to hold me up, And provide my every need. He is enough to be my only Home And make me flourish where I am. He is enough, He is my All-in-All. He is my Rock And guiding hand. He is enough. - Carey D.
Post a Comment
Read more

Letter to My Daughter

My Darling Daughter, You're only three right now, so I know I have many years before we can have this conversation face-to-face. There are some things I want to tell you… some things I learned the hard way. Take your time.  I know you'll want to grow up as quickly as possible and move on to the next phase of life, but take it from me - enjoy where you are. Time goes by so quickly and you should never rush through life. You miss so much. Slow down, take a breath, and appreciate where you are this very moment. Good things will come to you in their own time. Know yourself.  While you're taking your time, get to know yourself. Know what you like and don't like. Find what you're passionate about and chase after that. Don't base your opinions on what someone else thinks - not even me. Your thoughts and opinions are your own. Keep it that way. Any person who tries to change you isn't worth your time. You should  never  have to change who you are for another person....
Post a Comment
Read more

Stretched

On occasion, I have days when I feel like I just can't go anymore. I just want to crawl back into bed with a box of donuts and Netflix. I don't want anyone to need me. I'm done being Wonder Woman. Mommy needs a time out and a long nap... b ut there are long work days, kids to pick up from school, errands to run, little mouths clamoring  to be fed, baths to be given, homework to be done, lunches to pack, and laundry to fold. Then it starts all over again in the morning.  Throw in a nasty strep infection and you've got a complete trifecta of exhaustion. I think Bilbo Baggins described the feeling best: "I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread." As I tucked the kids into bed, croaking at the smaller ones to get back into bed for the fifth time, my six-year-old looked up at me with his large, blue eyes. "Mom, can I pray tonight?" "Sure, sweetie." "Dear God, please heal my mommy. Thank you for her h...
Post a Comment
Read more