I've been trolling the internet for an article that voiced my thoughts on what it's like to date a single mom and the unique challenges it presents. Nothing came close, so I made a list of things I wish guys knew about dating a single mother. (Special thanks to my friend Kristen for her writing input on this one.)
1. We're not desperate. Chances are, we know what we want and what we don't want. I don't know why there's a general misconception that single moms are just desperate and not picky about who they date, but it's an unfair assumption that's usually wrong.
2. We don't need someone to "take care of us" (or our kids). We've developed a thick skin and have learned to take care of ourselves and our babies just fine before you came along. Single moms are pretty good companions because we know how to function independantly. We can replace a lightbulb, change our own oil, and kill our own bugs. We can bring home the bacon and cook it too.
3. We're not looking for a "replacement daddy." So many guys freak out with single moms because they believe that they've got to immediately jump in and parent. Maybe the best thing you can do is just set a good example. Kids want to see that you love and respect their mother. We had years to adjust to being a parent, so don't think we expect you to instantly become super dad. You think you're overwhelmed by the impending responsibility? So are we, buddy, and we gave birth to these tiny humans.
4. Don't EVER make us choose. A mother should never feel that she has to choose between her man and her children. It's a horrible choice that no woman should ever have to face and chances are that you aren't going to win that battle, buddy. When it comes down to it, a good mother will always choose her kids first. Be her partner, her support. Don't make it a competition. You have to go into the relationship knowing that you won't get her 100% of the time, but this woman has chosen to share a piece of her heart with you when it's already been hurt and it's pulled in so many directions. Cherish that heart.
5. We appreciate the little things. At this point, we can skip past the flowers and jewelry. You're more likely to get lucky by simply washing dishes, folding laundry, or cooking dinner. (Bonus points for the cooking, bro.) Opening the door for us, bringing us little gifts, being thoughtful... they're all great and we really appreciate them.
6. Dates can be simple. When you're a working mom, going to the grocery store by yourself can seem like a vacation. We don't need elaborate dates. Sometimes all we want is to binge on Netlfix in our pajamas with a pint of ice cream.
7. Our time is precious, so don't waste it. Between a career and raising small humans, our down time is rare and very precious. Being included in this time is a privilege. We could be sleeping or catching up on Downton Abbey right now, but instead we're spending this time with you. Make sure you appreciate the time a single mom takes to be with you because she's giving you one of her most precious commodities.
8. We are strong and fiercely loyal. We don't need to be with you - we want to be with you. We are experts in devotion and you'll have a hard time finding someone more loyal than a single mom whose heart you have won.We don't need you to be strong for us. We want you to be strong with us.
9. We have high expectations for how we should be treated. Because we've already discovered what we don't want in a man, we don't have time for emotional nonsense. Be up front. Be respectful. Be present. Be loving.
10. We already come with a family. We don't have a biological clock that's screaming at us. We aren't going to pressure you or feel pressured ourselves to procreate. We are in no rush for a relationship because we know the best relationhips take time. Also, we know what works and what doesn't work based on our pasts. If we choose to spend time with you, it's because we see some really spectacular benefits.
1. We're not desperate. Chances are, we know what we want and what we don't want. I don't know why there's a general misconception that single moms are just desperate and not picky about who they date, but it's an unfair assumption that's usually wrong.
2. We don't need someone to "take care of us" (or our kids). We've developed a thick skin and have learned to take care of ourselves and our babies just fine before you came along. Single moms are pretty good companions because we know how to function independantly. We can replace a lightbulb, change our own oil, and kill our own bugs. We can bring home the bacon and cook it too.
3. We're not looking for a "replacement daddy." So many guys freak out with single moms because they believe that they've got to immediately jump in and parent. Maybe the best thing you can do is just set a good example. Kids want to see that you love and respect their mother. We had years to adjust to being a parent, so don't think we expect you to instantly become super dad. You think you're overwhelmed by the impending responsibility? So are we, buddy, and we gave birth to these tiny humans.
4. Don't EVER make us choose. A mother should never feel that she has to choose between her man and her children. It's a horrible choice that no woman should ever have to face and chances are that you aren't going to win that battle, buddy. When it comes down to it, a good mother will always choose her kids first. Be her partner, her support. Don't make it a competition. You have to go into the relationship knowing that you won't get her 100% of the time, but this woman has chosen to share a piece of her heart with you when it's already been hurt and it's pulled in so many directions. Cherish that heart.
5. We appreciate the little things. At this point, we can skip past the flowers and jewelry. You're more likely to get lucky by simply washing dishes, folding laundry, or cooking dinner. (Bonus points for the cooking, bro.) Opening the door for us, bringing us little gifts, being thoughtful... they're all great and we really appreciate them.
6. Dates can be simple. When you're a working mom, going to the grocery store by yourself can seem like a vacation. We don't need elaborate dates. Sometimes all we want is to binge on Netlfix in our pajamas with a pint of ice cream.
7. Our time is precious, so don't waste it. Between a career and raising small humans, our down time is rare and very precious. Being included in this time is a privilege. We could be sleeping or catching up on Downton Abbey right now, but instead we're spending this time with you. Make sure you appreciate the time a single mom takes to be with you because she's giving you one of her most precious commodities.
8. We are strong and fiercely loyal. We don't need to be with you - we want to be with you. We are experts in devotion and you'll have a hard time finding someone more loyal than a single mom whose heart you have won.We don't need you to be strong for us. We want you to be strong with us.
9. We have high expectations for how we should be treated. Because we've already discovered what we don't want in a man, we don't have time for emotional nonsense. Be up front. Be respectful. Be present. Be loving.
10. We already come with a family. We don't have a biological clock that's screaming at us. We aren't going to pressure you or feel pressured ourselves to procreate. We are in no rush for a relationship because we know the best relationhips take time. Also, we know what works and what doesn't work based on our pasts. If we choose to spend time with you, it's because we see some really spectacular benefits.
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