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You Can't Always Get What You Want

I had reached the point where I felt so strung out and exhausted that I just wanted to lay on the floor at work and cry. I was thoroughly exhausted from all human interaction and my anxiety was through the roof.

The kids were supposed to spend the weekend with their dad. I had made plans to spend my weekend at the spa getting a glorious massage (a Groupon steal that allowed me to pamper myself for once). All week I had trudged through, looking forward to my little paradise of a stay-cation. It was just what I needed to recharge my batteries. Minimal human interaction, hours of sauna-hopping, and sixty minutes of Swedish bliss.

Then I had to stay later at work. No problem. I still had about half of my Saturday. Trick-or-treating with the kids wasn't until later that night and they were with their dad for the weekend... until I got a phone call. My ex was unable to keep the kids... again. I drove straight over from work and picked the kids up. Then family members showed up at the house to do their laundry while staying for dinner. Cue grocery-shopping with the three kids to feed a total of eight people for dinner before taking the kids to go trick-or-treating.

My weekend quickly turned into the opposite of what I had planned and regrettably, I did not have a good attitude about it. I wanted a break so bad and it wasn't happening for me. It wasn't fair, I pouted.

Then I saw how happy my kids were to be back home with me. I didn't have to miss them or worry about how they were doing. I could snuggle up under the covers and read them bedtime stories. I could tuck them in at night and kiss their sweet cheeks.

I could also be stressed out the next morning because somehow the time change had to be the same weekend as Halloween. Cue candy hangovers and children waking up at 6:00 AM... which is a recipe for tantrums and meltdowns over socks right before we're supposed to leave for church. I stumbled in a little wild-eyed, feeling guilty for my fit of frustration with my three-year-old daughter who is impossible to get into her carseat (picture putting a cat into a tub of water). It was nothing short of a miracle that I made it to church with all three kids.

I needed that sermon. I needed that lunch at my friend's house and a short break from the kids while they played with their friends upstairs. I needed that heart-to-heart conversation with my friend in her kitchen. 

Sometimes what you want and what you need are two completely different things.

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