So much of single parenting (or parenting in general) seems to be spent in survival mode. Most days, I feel as though I am barely keeping my head above water. It's an accomplishment to keep everyone alive some days and not be completely run over by three active, willfull children.
After three days straight of bickering, screaming, blatant defiance, and tantrums, I had had enough. Even if I had to spend a good amount of time disciplining my kids instead of having fun with them, I was not going to let my children turn into total barbarians. It was time to muster up the most booming and intimidating voice I could (which, as anyone who has heard my soft voice knows this is quite an accomplishment).
"ENOUGH!"
My four and three-year-old stopped dead in their tracks as I stormed into the bathroom where they were duking it out with a wet towel. Water and soap were splattered everywhere.
"YOU WILL BOTH GO SIT ON YOUR BEDS AND NOT MOVE FOR FIVE MINUTES."
"I no wanna go time out!" whined my three-year-old daughter. I took a step forward, giving her my "crazy eyes" look and flaring my nostrils. She and her brother both ran for it.
I think I realized in that moment that I needed to provide more structure and consistency for my kids if I wanted things to go better (for everyone). Most evenings, I'd let them watch TV or eat sandwiches in the livingroom because I was too tired to move. I tried something different this time. The TV went off and I gave the kids each a task in setting the table for dinner. One child wiped off the table, one set the plates and silverware, the other one got drinks for everybody. I had my oldest son (age 6) escort his Nana to the dinner table and pull out her chair for her. He beamed with pride as I complimented on what an excellent gentleman he was. We all sat down and prayed before eating. I took the time to discuss with the kids what was appropriate for good table manners at dinner and asked about their day at school. Some of the instruction was a bit painstaking, especially with my wild 3-year-old daughter, but after the meal my oldest son and his 4-year-old brother helped clear the table and empty the dishwasher for their Nana without complaint.
The TV never came back on for the rest of the night. Instead, we read C's new book from the school library after bath time. We prayed, and the kids were peacefully asleep within minutes. It took more purposeful effort on my part, but those efforts were rewarded. The kids seemed more genuinely happy and content. I had to stop running by autopilot and see past my own exhaustion to see that my kids needed me to be more present. I think tomorrow we'll keep at it.
Good parenting requires a good example, not just good times or good rules.
After three days straight of bickering, screaming, blatant defiance, and tantrums, I had had enough. Even if I had to spend a good amount of time disciplining my kids instead of having fun with them, I was not going to let my children turn into total barbarians. It was time to muster up the most booming and intimidating voice I could (which, as anyone who has heard my soft voice knows this is quite an accomplishment).
"ENOUGH!"
My four and three-year-old stopped dead in their tracks as I stormed into the bathroom where they were duking it out with a wet towel. Water and soap were splattered everywhere.
"YOU WILL BOTH GO SIT ON YOUR BEDS AND NOT MOVE FOR FIVE MINUTES."
"I no wanna go time out!" whined my three-year-old daughter. I took a step forward, giving her my "crazy eyes" look and flaring my nostrils. She and her brother both ran for it.
I think I realized in that moment that I needed to provide more structure and consistency for my kids if I wanted things to go better (for everyone). Most evenings, I'd let them watch TV or eat sandwiches in the livingroom because I was too tired to move. I tried something different this time. The TV went off and I gave the kids each a task in setting the table for dinner. One child wiped off the table, one set the plates and silverware, the other one got drinks for everybody. I had my oldest son (age 6) escort his Nana to the dinner table and pull out her chair for her. He beamed with pride as I complimented on what an excellent gentleman he was. We all sat down and prayed before eating. I took the time to discuss with the kids what was appropriate for good table manners at dinner and asked about their day at school. Some of the instruction was a bit painstaking, especially with my wild 3-year-old daughter, but after the meal my oldest son and his 4-year-old brother helped clear the table and empty the dishwasher for their Nana without complaint.
The TV never came back on for the rest of the night. Instead, we read C's new book from the school library after bath time. We prayed, and the kids were peacefully asleep within minutes. It took more purposeful effort on my part, but those efforts were rewarded. The kids seemed more genuinely happy and content. I had to stop running by autopilot and see past my own exhaustion to see that my kids needed me to be more present. I think tomorrow we'll keep at it.
Good parenting requires a good example, not just good times or good rules.
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