Balance

Balance: the state of having your weight spread equally so that you do not fall; the ability to move or to remain in a position without losing control or falling; a state in which different things occur in equal or proper amounts or have an equal or proper amount of importance

I've always felt like the word "balance" or the idea of "finding balance" was such a New-Age idea. That may be in part due to my conservative religious upbringing, but honestly I feel that God is a God of order. Order and Reason. Balance is a very logical, albeit difficult thing to accomplish in one's life, I have discovered.

Proverbs 4

5 Get wisdom; get insight;

    do not forget, and do not turn away from the words of my mouth.

6 Do not forsake her, and she will keep you;

    love her, and she will guard you.

7 The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom,

    and whatever you get, get insight.

8 Prize her highly, and she will exalt you;

    she will honor you if you embrace her.

9 She will place on your head a graceful garland;

    she will bestow on you a beautiful crown.”

10 Hear, my son, and accept my words,

    that the years of your life may be many.

11 I have taught you the way of wisdom;

    I have led you in the paths of uprightness.

12 When you walk, your step will not be hampered,

    and if you run, you will not stumble.

13 Keep hold of instruction; do not let go;

    guard her, for she is your life.

In my own life, I tend to err on the side of intense devotion, not that this is in itself a bad thing. Loyalty and devotion are very good qualities, but I always tend to focus on one thing at a time and let other areas of my life fall into neglect. Sometimes it's my kids. Sometimes my job. My love life. My spiritual life. All of these facets of my being are important. All deserve their due amount of attention and should have a certain order of priority. Priority doesn't mean I should devote all of my energy to one and not the others. My spiritual life should take precedence because it provides the means in which to find the balance I so desperately need. It builds the foundation for a healthy and structured life.

Being a good mom to my three kids is also a top priority. I've been given the immense privilege and responsibility of raising three little humans. It's a big (and often overwhelming) job. It's not my only job. I've made the mistake of letting that be my all-consuming purpose. Through my divorce, I had to come to terms with being separated from my kids for periods of time. I didn't know who I was outside of being a mommy and had to reestablish my own individual identity outside of my kids. Almost two years later, I've established a rather blossoming social life of my own - which does have to be balanced with my parental responsibilities. Sometimes I have to say no to things or reschedule around my kids.

Sometimes, I have to remember to take time for myself. Not my social life, but rather my solitude. This one's harder for me because I'm an extrovert. I love being around other people all of the time. I don't like being alone (usually), but I have realized that it is good and healthy for me to take some time to be alone. Take myself on a "date" to a new restaurant and learn to enjoy my own company. Go have a spa day by myself. Go to a coffee shop (that I don't work at) and read for a while. Taking a walk or a run in the evening. Just put my phone away for a couple of hours. I have found that making the time to be alone is important for my mental/emotional/spiritual health. When I take the time to tune out all of the outside chaos of life, I can focus more clearly.

Similarly, my job needs to be balanced out with my personal and family life. I can be a workaholic at times, but I have to sometimes just take a breather. Sure, we need the money. We're always going to need the money. Sometimes I just have to make adjustments elsewhere so that my job doesn't take precedence over my family. Taking care of your family fiscally is only one facet of taking care of them. Emotional needs have to be met too.

I take this method to multiple things in my life so that nothing becomes a controlling addiction. Social media: when I find myself on social media too much, I take a break. Last year, I took a 3-month break from Facebook. Sometimes it's a day or a week. Whatever I feel that I need to do in order to ensure that it doesn't get in the way of my actual life. Alcohol: I don't drink when the kids are at home. I don't drink if I'm feeling sad. I don't drink during the day. I make sure that it doesn't become a frequent thing or an emotional crutch. Medications: Even if it's a simple cold or pain medication, I try to make sure that I find other methods of treating ailments before popping pills. If I feel that anything in my life is becoming too much of a crutch, I take a step back. Balance in all of these areas is essential.

Emotional balance is the hardest for me to temper. If I find myself too emotionally dependent on another person, I have to take a step back. Maybe it's for a few days or indefinitely. Emotional bonds are wonderful things, and it's great to be able to depend upon friends and family - so long as it doesn't wander into the realm of codependence. I've had to struggle to learn to be emotionally independent. It's still a struggle that I have to cope with, sometimes on a daily basis. I have to learn some distance and balance in order to carry on healthy relationships.

I like the way that the Merriam-Webster dictionary describes balance as "the ability to move or to remain in a position without losing control or falling." That is the key to a healthy life - remaining in a position without losing control or falling. It's hard when that "position" changes so frequently and one must continually find it to achieve balance in life, but that is, after all, the human experience. Thankfully, we have an Anchor.