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Facing My Fears


Over the last year, I have discovered the truth of this statement. The Lord took me through my greatest fears and brought me out a much bolder version of myself. The experience was exhilarating enough to spur me on my path of self-improvement. What else am I really afraid of? I made a list of things that scare me. Some of them are a little silly, others more understandable. This year, I will do things that scare me.

1. Go back to college. I haven't been in school since I was pregnant with my oldest (now almost 6), but my life circumstances have changed and require me to further my education to make a better living to take care of my kids and my mom. Fortunately, the Lord has provided a way for me to get a free ride. All expenses paid. Now I must conquer my fears and try to juggle work, kids, and school.

2. Sing in front of people. I know this sounds a little silly. In high school and college, I actually did perform in choir and quartets. I miss it, but I haven't sung in eight years. I developed this paralyzing stage fright.

3. Go on a date. This one seems to be the most legitimate fear (in my mind). Fear of rejection, fear of being hurt again, fear of being vulnerable, wanting everything to be perfect because I don't want another failed & toxic relationship, fear that someone who isn't afraid to be a step-dad to three kids just doesn't exist... the list is long. But I need to get over that.

I don't feel a huge need to date at the moment, but if the right kind of guy came along I'd be open to it. This time, I just want to take my time. I may have three kids, but I never want to feel a sense of urgency with my dating timeline. I don't want to be with someone because I need him, I want to be with someone because I want to be with him. I don't want to build my life plans around anyone other than my kids, so whoever I date would have to be okay with my career plans and independent personality.

I've given a lot of thought into what I don't want to do this time around, and sometimes it seems a little overwhelming. Best to focus on one thing at a time and remember to work on things that I find scary or intimidating. I don't want to just be a strong woman, I want to be a force of nature.

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